Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize