I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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