I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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