You're so nebulous sometimes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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