i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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