Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize