is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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