I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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