remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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