Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize