Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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