I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize