"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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