Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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