I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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