Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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