Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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