so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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