I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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