I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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