Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize