Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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