very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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