I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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