I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize