Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How does one acquire holy water?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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