i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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