The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize