What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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