:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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