I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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