I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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