Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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