Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize