The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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