I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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