remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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