I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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