probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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