oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this is an emotional support booty call
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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