I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize