hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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