i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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