Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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