i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
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i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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