I will die if light touches me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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