remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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