I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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