u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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