I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize